Oh I don't want to whine anymore but I am sooo sick again tonight. A lot of pain. I am so tired of this. I just want to break down and cry.....I am so happy to be pregnant and this has nothing to do with feelings about the pregnancy...I think you all know that. But I just can't stand another day of this pain. I've tried not to say anything lately and it's not been as brutally severe as it was...the past two weeks it has been better....and I feel so selfish for saying anything....but God how I want this to stop. It hurts so bad again and I've been going around all day with that feeling that any minute I will vomit but I haven't. I actually wish I would....it feels horrible and the pain....I was getting so dehydrated again and I forced some liquid down me and now I just hurt so bad.
I know God is with me and there is a reason for everything we must go through or at least we can take everything we go through and learn to grow and learn from it. But I feel like I am going to loose my mind....I mean 8 weeks straight now of this....I know that doesn't sound like much perhaps but these past 2 months have seemed like sooo long to me....every day, every night sick, vomiting, pain, passing out. And I cant' take care of the house and I can't take care of my grandma and my little precious boy the way I should be able to. I sometimes feel like this will never end. I worry what if I have the baby and I still am this sick, still having such severe pain....it would be so much more bearable if I knew for a fact it was all just pregnancy related and there was an end in sight.
I also think how much more pain I'll be in if this lasts the entire pregnancy once the baby gets bigger and is pushing up on my stomach...oh dear God.....how will I ever get through that if they can't figure out some natural or traditional med to help with this hyperemesis and acid reflux???
At least I have had days where while I felt bad I could still drive and do my errands and all. That's much better than I was when this all started. I'm also worried I have a kidney infection. I'm having really bad back pains that ache into my sides and down low along the bottom of my abdomen into my bladder area. I must ask the midwives Thursday about having a urine test done to make sure I don't have an infection and that my kidneys are ok from the hyperemesis and dehydration I've been dealing with.
Ok, I'm done whining. Just feeling miserable and tired and can't sleep so I come a-whining ....oh joy, how lucky you all are huh? LOL ; )
